Thursday, July 17, 2014

Normal Me, Helping Normal You

Pregnancy did not agree with me the way I'd always imagined it would.  I didn't feel CUTE and my skin didn't GLOW, my clothes didn't FIT and I had morning sickness ALL THE TIME.  With Big C, I was 24 and selfishly distraught about having to sell my tickets to Dauphin Countryfest. At the time, because I was the first of my friends to reach another life changing milestone, I felt like I was the only one in the world who felt that way.

Without considering writing quality or even the fact that seven years later she's known as the crazy anti-vaccine lady, Jenny McCarthy's book, Belly Laughs, helped me through 9 months of barf, mood swings and feeling like a giant fat cow.  Just breaking into the parenting world - to me, she seemed like the only person who was willing to tell it like it is.  I'm not afraid to say it. She was my Hollywood BFF.

Based on my experience with Jenny, I was really looking forward to reading a book which I thought would be similarly written, about becoming a Mommy for the first time. So, after getting my 6 week old demon to sleep for what I knew would be a total of about 2 hours, adding a 2nd layer of nursing pads to my $50 'sleeping bra' which the maternity store clerk, who works on commission, told me I HAD TO HAVE and cracking off another 4 triangles of giant Toblerone, I crawled into bed and turned on my reading light.

Emotions started to run high, by page 30.  With every word, I became more and more angry.  The author's biggest complex was that she didn't know how to talk to her nanny.  A nanny that she hired so she could sleep through the night and spend time at the gym getting her body back.  It was a look of sheer terror on Baby Daddy's (BD's) face when I threw the book across the room.  (At this point in our life together, he had never really seen the psycho side of me.)  And then the tears came.  The tired, hormonal, uncontrollable tears.

WHY COULDN'T I HAVE A NANNY?

After he was sure I was calm, BD made his way to his makeshift bedroom in the basement, (probably just adding fuel to the fire, but I chose the lesser of the two evils to bother me that night) and I laid awake brainstorming chapter titles for my new book.  In case you're just learning about my sense of humor, I wasn't actually upset about not having a Nanny.  I was upset because I had spent my entire pregnancy feeling like I was the only one in the world who had ever been pregnant.  Now, I was the only Mom who had a kid who wouldn't sleep and ate non-stop, a body that felt like a stranger's, and a BD that didn't get it. It doesn't matter how ridiculous those thoughts were, it's how I felt.

In true, Stefanie form, I decided to write a book, right then and there. It would bring light to other Moms out there like me.  My book would be about normal me and my normal little family.  Because seriously, there MUST be more people out there clipping coupons, making home cooked meals and having babies with boyfriends they've had for 10 months.  RIGHT?!?!  I mean, at least more than the high-rise condo living, nanny hiring, world travelers, right?

Guess what?  It took about 6 months of writing (aka journal entries) for me to start feeling better and about as much time for me to discover that most people with 7 month olds are like me.  They're just a) not in my circle of friends, and b) are most often 5+ years older than me.

And guess what else?  Most people who are like me...driving 17 year old Ford Tempos they are sentimentally attached to and who don't really know what they want to do in life...?  THEY ALL WANT TO WRITE BOOKS TOO!

1993 Ford Tempo with Lundar Garage Sticker still perfectly legible.  Man, I loved this car.
Since 2007, I feel like everyone has become a writer.  Thanks to the Interweb, you can be an absolute idiot and if your story is entertaining enough, someone (even if it's Huff Post) will publish it. How does one compete?

[Insert dream crushing noise here.]

BUT I HAVE AN ADVANTAGE:  My kids are flippin' hilarious.  So, after many friendly suggestions and hundreds of 'liked' statuses on Facebook, I'm going for it.  I'm looking back at my journal and I'm going to write it out for you guys.  I'm going to share jokes and stories and recipes and do a more thorough job documenting these kick-butt adventures that make my life a little more interesting than coupon clipping.  (C'mon Huff Post, give this idiot a chance!!!) 

So please follow along, smile every once in a while, and know that I am winging it just like you.  Except NOW I've got some Mommy friends in arms reach and it's made ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

P.S.  Jenny McCarthy also wrote a book called Baby Laughs, which BD bought for me for my birthday that year.  Needless to say, as a Hollywood Mom, she lost her BFF status pretty darn quick.

P.P.S. - Making Mommy friends is not easy - especially if you're young; but you HAVE TO DO IT.  You will go through many before you find the ones you like.  Obviously, the best Mommy friends drink a lot, *ahem - I mean* are the ones you've had prior to babies, but I insist you reach out to your community support programs and connect with other Moms until you find a fit.  It will help.  I promise.

S

4 comments:

  1. I dislike that there is not a like button on these pages.

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    1. Well I like that you dislike the no like. Thanks for stopping by! Give it a share instead!

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  2. LIKE.....LIKE.....LIKE.....big smiley face here!

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    1. I think I'll send a note to Google. We need some 'like' and emoticon buttons on the free blog service!!! Thanks for stopping by!

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