Sometimes I Drink at Soccer

If you ask to see Big C’s soccer picture, she will proudly climb up the entertainment unit to pull it down, while telling you she scored ‘over a hundred’ goals this year.  When you ask Little C, she’ll start with “Ummm...” and then Big C will cut her off with “She scored lots, but not as many as me.”

I know this because I have seen it happen twice in the last month.  And no, neither of them scored ‘a hundred goals’ this year.  

Lately, everything has become a competition around here and I’ve spent a fair amount of time wondering why.  Until last week that is, when I had to stop myself from cheating at Dogopoly four different times!

As it turns out, BD and I are raising girls that scream at the TV when Fifa is on and run around the dining room table when they win at Memory.  They’ve witnessed BD’s countless ‘winner dances’ and most recently stood in shock as I ‘Hammer Timed’ my amazing come-from-behind Scrabble victory at the lake.  

Double Word Score after a Triple Letter Score with Q!!!  75 POINTS BITCHES!!!

 I hide behind this computer to proudly state:  WE DON’T LET OUR KIDS WIN AT STUFF.  In our house, winning is fun.  It’s fun and it doesn’t come easy, so you have to work hard.  Sometimes you might work hard and still not win, but if you don’t pick up your socks and try again, it will never happen.  

Some people might think that’s a little harsh.  Truth be told, I do feel bad sometimes when Big C storms off to her room, crying, because her Dad took her Queen or when Little C’s Hippo wasn’t as hungry as the others.  They’re kids.  They’re still learning how to deal with disappointment.  Heck, I’M still learning.  So I can’t deny we’re still working on how to lose without melting down.  But the beauty of really competing with them is that when they win, they really win!  The first time I saw Big C ‘ride the bull’ because she got the puck past on her Dad in driveway hockey, was a-w-e-s-o-m-e and I wouldn’t have wanted that to happen any other way!  Guess what?  When winning is fun, they'll want to do it.

We weren’t always this way.  When Big C played soccer at age 3, she was mainly concerned with how many dandelions she could pick and who’s turn it was to bring snack.  We vowed to never do it that way again.  Commence HIGHLY COMPETITIVE PARENTING STYLE.  (You'll want to take notes for this part.)

Your season will start off positive because you’ll feel like a good parent just for signing them up.

1. They’ll be included because EVERYONE plays soccer.
2.  They’ll be physically active (aka they’ll go to bed early)

But I can almost guarantee you’ll spend the majority of the season, hoping for rain.  

I spent every Tuesday and Thursday of May and June hoping the blue skies would change to storm clouds and a miraculous flash flood would cancel soccer.  It was the most aggravating 16 nights of my entire life.  Not because of my own kids, we've already made the adjustment, but because of the families who were in the same boat we were 3 years ago.  It’s called the ‘show up and have fun who cares if you actually play soccer’ boat.

In case you don’t know, only lightening cancels big-kid soccer.  So, we’d sit in the cold and the rain and watch Big C and the rest of her team be silly and giggle and not listen to the coach.  I am not joking.  One game they were playing on the play structure between shifts and the parents would have to pull them back into the game.  That was the game Big C claims to have scored 10 goals.  Yes, we’re the hard asses that made our kid focus on soccer.  SHE HAD A GOAL QUOTA TO FILL.

When littles play organized sports, we spend a lot of time asking them to score because that is an easy way to encourage engagement, but I am 100% certain that Little C’s motivation to score goals and actually PLAY soccer came from her competitive attitude towards her sister who repeatedly came home to say ‘we won!’ or ‘I scored!’

Thanks to our new "motivating parenting style" and her sister’s stats, this year of 3 year old soccer, wasn't all that bad.  Little C was the only kid on her team who showed up to actually play each week, but at least she was playing!  Two of the kids always seemed to be too busy practicing ninja moves and the smallest of the five of them was actually only 30 months – but next year his Mom was thinking, he’d like to try an art program over an organized sport anyways.  So yeah, she had the ball a lot.  She took it all the way down the field a lot.  And she scored a lot too.  Did she know she was the only one playing?  Maybe.  Did she have fun?  Without a doubt.  She was playing soccer!  So when she received the same ‘participation medal’ as the two ninjas and the budding artist, I exclaimed my pride, thanked the coach and told her she was THE BEST little soccer player I had ever seen.  Which means she will probably want to play again next year.

Shit.

S

P.S. I need to say this:  the coaches were amazing!  As a very patient person, I’ll say that they do what I could never and for that, they deserve a HUGE thank you!  Thank you for coming back each week!  Because that would have been too much for even me!

Looking for more sanity?  I'll make you feel normal every day if you like my Facebook page!  www.facebook.com/mommydoesntsharechocolate

I'm also on Pinterest!  www.pinterest.com/nochocolate4u

Let Me Remind You

My friends are finally having babies.  All my stupid friends are finally having stupid babies!  And guess what?  Those stupid babies smell sooooooooooo good!

We are stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Should we have more kids?  Do we try for a boy?  Should we cut one more out of me and tie up those tubes?  I tell you what, the answer to the world’s most annoying question, changes every, single, flippin, day.

Monday - First day of summer camp.  Holy crap I like being alone.

Tuesday – Ate a family size bag of M & M’s to myself.  Oh well, who cares, I’ll be pregnant soon anyways.

Wednesday – Started packing for vacation and realized we didn’t need the stroller, playpen, portable highchair, separate bag of diapers and wipes.  Baby junk takes up way too much room.

Thursday – Watched my oldest be all helpful and motherly towards our 11 month old little buddy.  We can totally do it, look how much help I'd have.

Friday – Three babies don’t fit in a two bedroom house.

Saturday – Babysat my girlfriend’s 6 month old little monkey and BD saw the glint of boy’s hockey and WWE wrestling moves.  

Sunday – Slept in.  Enough said.

For some crazy reason, last spring, I told my friend that I would babysit her sweet baby boy this fall.  He’ll be a year in October and he’s all warm and snuggly and he likes to drop things on purpose so I pick them up.  He’s all the good things I’d want in a third baby.   

BUT.

I’ve always said that we are designed to forget what giving birth is like.  I know this because some of you are crazy enough to be having back to back babies.  Hell, I had two kids too.  But in case you’re wondering, when you get out of the baby phase, you will start to forget what it's like to have a baby as well!  You’ll start to think that diapers ‘aren’t that bad’ and that functioning without sleep ‘isn’t that hard.’  Trust me.  You need to STOP.  STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.  

Because those are just the commonly spoken about difficulties.  The ones you’ll read in that annoyingly famous book.  Here, let me remind you of some of the others.

Mobility

Once they can move, your freedom ceases to exist.  You have to spend every moving moment making sure they’re not falling down the stairs, destroying important papers or smashing their heads on the hard wood.  They want to move and they want to move fast.  Don’t think you can just strap them in the stroller either.  Running, running is best.

NUTRITION

Once they get out of the ‘eat every 2 hours stage’, and the ‘wake up in the night to eat stage’, they will start feeding themselves.  For a while, they won’t be able to feed themselves enough, so you’ll still need to breast feed or bottle.  And if you’re giving them a bottle, YOU’RE NOT FAST ENOUGH so they scream really loud to make you move faster. They want to hold the spoon, but can’t keep the food on it.  And oh yes, don’t forget the mess!  Food in the hair, in the diaper, on the floor, in every crevice of the high chair.  Your dog is going to get fat again too.

September 2008.  It was a rough day.

SLEEP

Even if you have a miracle baby who sleeps through the night early on, you can forget the expression ‘sleep in’ all together.  This one happens to stick with them until their teenagers, so you don’t really have to worry about forgetting it.  Although you do want to be reminded of nap time and how keeping the house quiet is an extremely stressful job.  YOU may have forgotten the ‘I will kill you.’ note you stuck to your doorbell when you had your last baby, but your UPS driver DID NOT.  And don't pretend that your kid sleeps through everything.  Everyone panics when the phone rings.

SNUGGLES

We all love baby snuggles.  We love the way they smell and the way they goo and gah at everything.  We love the way their soft hand gently rest on our chests and how they get heavy when they’re sleepy.  **REALITY CHECK**  We all love baby snuggles when we get to pass them off!  I guarantee you’ve forgotten what it’s like to hold your baby all day because they only want ‘up’ and on that day you’ve got a mile long list of things that need to get done.  You know, like eating and taking a shower.

For those of you who are having your babies back to back and haven’t had a chance to forget this stuff, you are very lucky.  Two or more babies close together, usually means a strong support system and having two close together usually means the first one was easy.  MUAHAHAHAHA.  Suckers.

I was reminded of all my forgotten parenting tasks in a total of 6 hours on Friday and guess what happened Friday night?  I asked BD (for the millionth time) if he thinks we should have another kid.  Our conversation ended the way it always does, ‘not now, maybe later.’  We want to. We don’t.  Life is so good right now. We’re really good at raising babies.

I am so addicted to their love.  It’s because of those days, when I can’t differentiate between their love and their dependence, that I drink, but the truth is, I am addicted to them needing me too!  I find myself stressing out about their independence all the time!  Big C already goes to the public bathroom by herself for goodness sake!  But I can’t keep having kids to fulfill my obsession with being needed, and two kids is a really good fit for the lifestyle we want to lead.  We're busy as hell, but we're happy and THAT is not so easy to forget.

S

Looking for more sanity?  I'll make you feel normal every day, if you like my Facebook page!  www.facebook.com/mommydoesntsharechocolate

I'm also on Pinterest!  www.pinterest.com/nochocolate4u 

 

Mommy Don't Learn Easy

Back in the day, whenever my friends and I would go on trips or spend weekends away, I’d document the (most often drunken) hilarity with a ‘Quote Book.’  I still look back occasionally and laugh hysterically at the nonsense I’ve collected over the years, so I decided to try again.  I kept track of quotes and various life lessons I took from last week’s family adventure in BC and thought you all might like to learn a thing or two.

We are very lucky to get away as often as we do.  Each year we seem to stretch our vehicle tolerance a bit further and with that, BD’s and my patience grows a little too.  Our trip to BC last week had us in the van for 18 hours both ways and most of the complaining came from me.  Our kids are total rockstars in the van and what’s coolest about that is we do it completely screen free.  It sure makes for some awesome conversation.

 

1. To a 6 year old who is still learning to read, Pilot Butte is the FUNNIEST place on earth. And if you are feeling hungry, based on the homemade sign we saw on the highway, Esso in Wolsely Saskatchewan sells popcorn and subs.  
2.  Adding ‘coo coo’ to the end, makes every knock knock joke, hilarious.
3. Auto-flushing toilets are a 3 year old’s worst nightmare.
4. Hiking is best done shirtless.
   
5. A man who chair dances while *trying* to reach all of Whitney’s notes is one. sexy. man! 
6. A 3 year old will never miss an opportunity to scream ‘GET READY TO DUNK YOUR HEAD’ when approaching an overpass.  Particularly awesome on Alberta’s 201 around Calgary after 14 hours in the vehicle.
7. ‘My Car, Your Car’ is more fun to play in Saskatchewan than in Alberta or BC.
8. As cool as it may be, a Bald Eagle flying closely overhead may or may not be it’s attempt at scooping your small child.
9. KING SIZED BEDS
10. Tim Hortons really needs to find a better way to redeem their horrific waste production and adjust their environmental impacts with something OTHER than supplying their restrooms with the word’s thinnest, scratchiest toilet paper.
11. Pack a picnic, find a sketchy road and drive until you get scared.  THAT is where the best adventures are.
    
12. You’ll be most thankful for the extra Norwex Enviro Cloths you keep stashed in your car when your oldest daughter gets car sick, all over everything, at hour 2 of your drive home.
13. Save yourself one million ‘Are we there yets’ by creating some sort of visual that will help the kids understand just how long you will be in the car.  Last year we used a picture of a van that moved along a string I had taped from door frame to door frame, but this year, all they needed was a simple map. 
14. If you need a good, hearty laugh, sing this song, while Tom Petty’s Free Falling is on the radio.
15. A lot of people talk to themselves in their cars these days.  "That guy's YELLING!"

Thanks to Grandma and Papa, Unco D & Breet for a fun time and to Amma and Afi for dog-sitting our sweet boy!  We love you!

Also - while I've got your attention...when we were in BC one of our adventures was switched up because of wild fires in the area. It's been very hot there for a long time and there are hundreds of people working around the clock to keep people safe. As a prairie girl, forest fires are not really something I think about all that often.  The next time I think we've got it bad with mosquitos, I'm going to take a quick second to be thankful that we might not have it so bad.  Just a little thought from me to you.

 

Looking for more sanity?  I'll make you feel normal every day, if you like my Facebook page!  https://www.facebook.com/mommydoesntsharechocolate

S