1. It's easy to find/buy/shop for, I know how busy everyone is this time of year,
2. It will help me Mommy.
I know you guys get this because I have friends that have asked for zoo memberships, diaper bags & strollers and baby carriers for various holiday gifts. WHY DO WE DO IT? It's a sickness! Frick!!!!
My mom was disappointed that I asked for a handheld vacuum this year, but I have to tell you, my back entrance takes a beating every day, so I really AM looking forward to keeping up with the constant foot traffic! Would I love a freshwater pearl necklace? Yes! But for some damn reason, I asked for a vacuum. I also asked for yoga pants, hair ties and ski mitts. I SHIT YOU NOT. Why? Why? WHY?
So now, hidden behind this computer, with another set of holidays passed, I'm going to get ballsy and share what I ACTUALLY WANT you to get me. It's not a list of things I never get, it's a list of things I want you to give me because I want them more often. I won't say that this list is on behalf of all mothers everywhere, but I will let you share this post if you think it's worthy. Especially because a lot of these are the best kind of gifts. The 'stuff-free' kind. Important to also note that these ideas are not just for Christmas. I WANT THEM FOR EVERYTHING. Get ready.
MOMMY'S TOP TWELVE GIFT IDEAS
(get her what she actually wants
next year)
12. Baby Daddy (BD): I want you to let me pick the dumbest most mind numbing show on Netflix and I want you to sit beside me and pretend to be OK with me wasting 40 minutes a week on your precious clicker controlling time. And even if you don't really watch it or can't pretend to like it, you are not allowed to leave the room or make comments about it's pointlessness. I watch hockey all the time. And you think I like it, don't you?
11. Anyone: Clean my van. Take out the car seats, vacuum out the cheerios and french fries, wipe the coffee drips off of everything, and clean the dog/kid snot off of every window. Make that baby sparkle!!!
10. BD: I want you to take me somewhere where we all have to be dressed up. Somewhere that if I showed up with day-old ponytail hair and no makeup I'd feel uncomfortable. I want to wear lipstick and boots and I WANT TO WEAR SPANX DAMMIT! I want you to tell me I look beautiful so that I feel beautiful. And I want you to dress up too, so that we can look and feel like the power couple I know we are. And I want you to invite alllllll our friends, so that they too can see how beautiful we look and that yeah, THIS MAMA'S STILL GOT IT.
9. Anyone but BD: I want you to surprise us all the time with random 'pick up the kids' visits. Do you know what a few mid-afternoon hours can do for a couple of parents with little kids? First, it gives you a much better chance of having more grandchildren/nieces/nephews!!! Second, I just really need the kids to be gone so I can start cleaning ahead of them, instead of always behind them.
8. BD & the kids: Oh man do I ever want a Laundry-Folding House Elf. And if you get me the Deluxe Edition that puts it away too, I promise to stop complaining about Mount. Washmore! I know that this one will be hard to find, so I would settle for you noticing I can't get to my bed for laundry baskets full of clean clothes and instead of digging for a clean pair of underwear, you could just fold a basket for me! Ding ding ding!
7. Anyone: I want all the cutsie stuff that the kids and I make you! I want a fabric painted apron and a personalized calendar. I want a dishwasher safe coffee mug that has a funny family picture on it and a craft made of sea glass from our special day on the beach. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending that time with the kids, but crafting something special for someone is about as relaxing as a P.A.P. So I'd really love the end result without all the mess! Please?
6. BD & the kids: Give me a 9 hour work day. Pick a random day and let me punch out at 5:00 like the rest of the world. Being officially off the clock means I don't have to clean up supper, drive anyone anywhere, break up any fights, help anyone with homework, force anyone to brush their teeth, find any blankies, put anyone back in bed, make anyone a snack. And miraculously all these things will get done with me sitting on the couch, or doing a puzzle, drinking a cup of tea or reading a book. Or better yet, maybe even having fun with the kids.
5. Anyone: Surprise me with dinner. When you know I'm having a shitty day, (every. single. Monday.) show up at the end of the day either WITH dinner or with the idea that we're going to order dinner. Just make it so that I don't have to cook and/or clean up the kitchen for the 5th time that day.
4. Anyone but BD and the kids: One word. Sleepover! Date nights are great and always much needed and enjoyed, but I'm going to go one step further and ask for a scheduled in advance SLEEPOVER! We love normal date nights, but sleepover date nights are soooooooooooo much better because we have time to nap. And I don't mean NAP *wink wink wink,* I mean a 'get my jammies on, get under the covers and catch up on sleep' kind of nap, so that we can actually enjoy our date. And in the morning, in case we’re hungover, or better yet, we want to NAP *wink wink wink* we can and we will!
3. Anyone: I would go absolutely apeshit over a once/month cleaning service. I would even go as far as to tell you 'what time of the month' would maximize Mommy shack out prevention. This gift idea is particularly awesome for families celebrating the birth of a second + child too. And unlike gift idea #2, this desire will never fade with time. Just do it. And the world will be a better place, especially because I will teach them the ways of Norwex.
2. (I wasn’t really
sure where to put this one on the list because 3 years ago there was nothing I
wanted more, but now that the kids sleep through the night, my desperation has
faded a little.) Anyone: I want you to rent me a hotel room. Just for me.
And I will order room service, take a hot bubble bath, walk around naked all
night, and I will fall asleep at 10:00 pm while watching True Tori and taking up the
entire bed. When I wake up in the morning after sleeping the entire night
through, I will stay in bed until 10 minutes before check out when I will walk
out of the room without making the damn bed.
OK, forget it. I know exactly
what number this one needs to be on.
1. BD & the
kids: I need all of you to find
something to do, away from the house for 4 hours every second weekend for an
entire year. When I’m strung out, you
usually think I need to get out, but the truth is, I like being home. I just need to be alone. I will turn everything off. I will clean and actually make headway. And yeah, I will take a nap, but when I get
up, I will take a long, hot shower and I will have time to SHAVE MY LEGS. Then I’ll pour myself a cup of tea and stare
at a wall for a little while. And then I’ll
probably bake/cook something extraordinary for the family, because when I’m
happy, you alllllllll benefit.
Or you can get me booze. Always a safe bet.
S
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